Principle of
Diminishing Concentration
.
Players late for
rehearsal are always those who sit in the center of the band.
Missing Mute
Principle
.
At least one mute
will vanish from the brass section at any rehearsal.
Extended Rest Theorem
.
The longer the
rests, the less likely a section will enter after them.
The "There's
Another Hole in the Dam" Principle
.
Fix one spot in
the music and another spot falls apart.
Premature Deafness
Ratio
.
A conductor's
hearing loss is directly proportional to how many percussionists are started
each year.
Reely's Adaptation of
Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction
.
If you take a
music stand down and put it up enough times, eventually you will have two of
them.
Murphy's Music Stand
Principle
.
The music stand
you get will wobble.
.
When a conductor
gives students letters for parents, 15% will be left on music stands, 25% will
be inside the music, 15% will rot in instrument cases, 15% will be left in
lockers, 15% will crawl under the student's bed, and 15% of the parents will
receive the letter.
Blind Lead the
Blind Principle
.
Band members
playing correctly will always follow the players who are playing incorrectly.
Say It Again Sam Law
.
Even if everything
is explained perfectly, there will still be a question.
.
You will have just
answered the question one minute before it was asked.
Lost and Found
Principle of Music Folders
.
At least one music
folder will be left on a music stand after each rehearsal.
.
It will usually be
the same player.
.
If it is not the
same player, there will be no name in the folder.
Alternate Amnesia
Axiom
.
Any alternate
fingerings taught will be promptly forgotten.
The Lowest Common
Denominator Principle
.
After a concert,
parents rave about the pop selection played and say nothing about the test
piece.
.
The largest of the
timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium.
The Punctuality
Paradox
.
Give a strongly
worded lecture about punctuality and you will be late to the next performance.
Hatch's Law of
Clarinet Squeaks
.
Clarinet squeaks
always occur in the most exposed sections of the music.
Two Principles of
Cymbal Cueing
.
Cue the cymbal
player or he will not enter.
.
Cue the cymbal
player and he still will not enter.
Murphy's Law of
Clapping
.
If the audience
can clap at the wrong time, they will.
McMurray's Program
Principle
.
At least one name
will be left off the concert program.
McMurray's Second
Program Principle
.
If there are two
ways to spell a name, the wrong one will be selected.
Concert Pronunciation
Principle
.
If a name can be
mispronounced as the program is being introduced, it will.
Fillmore's March Law
.
If a march can be
rushed, it will.
.
A march rushes in
proportion to a band's inability to play it quickly.
Left-Right Principle
.
At least one
person is out of step in any one march.
.
It is usually the
same person.
Bogan's Law of Bus
Trips
.
Bus breakdowns
always occur on the longest trips.
Traveling Amnesia
Principle
.
Forgetful students
always forget something.
RT + 1 Principle
.
The scheduled
return time of any trip will be one hour earlier than the actual return.
.
This happens even
when you pad the return time with an extra hour.
RT + 3 Principle
.
You will have to
wait at least another two hours for the last parent to pick up a child.
Percussion Will
Travel Principle
.
On every band trip
one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school.
Percussion Won't
Travel Principle
.
On every band trip
one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the performance
site.
Diminishing Quality
Rule to the Percussion Won't Travel Principle
.
At any festival
one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with that of another school.
.
The one you take
back will be of lower quality.
Trotter's Law of
Percussion Music
.
Percussionists
will consistently lose their music as a concert approaches.
.
All parts will be
lost at least once, and percussionists will not admit to losing any music until
they are caught faking the parts.
The Uncertainty
Principle
.
The location of
all auxiliary percussion instruments cannot be known simultaneously.
.
If a lost
percussion item is found, another will disappear.
Law of Lost
Drumsticks
.
Percussionists
will lose sticks.
.
Percussionists
always claim the sticks were stolen.
.
The lost sticks
will be found the day after new ones are bought.
Murphy's Law on
Instruments
.
An instrument
always breaks at the worst possible time.
. The instrument will belong to a first chair
player.
Baldwin's Law
.
Instruments are
easier to break than to fix.
Wyszkowski's Law
.
Anything will work
if you fiddle with it long enough.
Principles of
Instrument Repair
.
The screwdriver of
the correct size will be missing when it is needed to tighten a woodwind key.
.
When replacing a
woodwind pad, all available pads will be the wrong size.
.
When a pad is
accidentally dropped it will roll to the least accessible part of the band
room.
Law of Diminishing
Repairs
.
After restoring
one key on a woodwind instrument, three others will malfunction.
Mouthpiece Inertia
Principle
.
Brass mouthpieces
are easier to jam than to dislodge.
Halbrook's Axiom
.
A stuck key will
work perfectly when the repairman tries it.
Law of Selective
Operation
.
Brass valves will
stick on contest days.
.
They will not
stick when the conductor tries them
. They will stick again when the student resumes playing.